


listen before i go

by wifeofstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, But fluffy too, Floor Sex, Irondad, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Post-Endgame, Prosthetic Arm, Skinny Dipping, Stephen and Tony are married, This Is Sad, Tony went to space with Carol, Tree Climbing, You might cry, cheesburgers, everett because john W., everyone cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:24:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wifeofstark/pseuds/wifeofstark
Summary: You can't outrun death forever. At least Tony gets to say goodbye the right way.





	listen before i go

**Author's Note:**

> basically endgame but with ironstrange. It's fluffy but painful and does not end happily. (Apparently I love the pain)

“Please don't go Tony” sobbing. Peter. One of the few things Tony could register as pain burned up his right arm, over his shoulder, up his neck, into his heart. He was going to die, it was clear as day through his fading vision, the stillness lacing through him. It's no surprise, he knew when he built the gauntlet that if it came to it, if he snapped, he would die. 

With Peter in front of him, begging, words getting quieter and quieter, he realises he doesn't want to die. It's not fair, how for five years he'd lost the boy, for five minutes he had him back, and that now they'll be apart forever. 

“get out of the way! Move!” a new voice, a new voice that pierces through his shortness of breath, because only one voice is so heavily woven in silk; Stephens.

He tries so hard, so hard to see Stephens steel eyes, but everything's so white. All he can do is feel the warmth of what must be his hand on his left cheek. Tony and Stephen had only been married for a month before Thanos came. Tony suffered 5 years without him. It's not fair. 

“Steph” he wheezes, in what he knows will be his last breath, everything's shutting down. He can't feel anything. 

Until he can, until he can feel the pain in his right side that had faded thanks to death, until he can wiggle his toes and blink, until Peters sobs sound too loud, until his vision returns to him and he sees Stephens eyes, greener than ever and glistening with tears.

“Tony can you hear us?” Pepper. Pepper standing strong in the Rescue suit he gave her for her birthday. 

“yea” he breathes, finding that in fact he can breathe.

“Wong. The case” Stephen says. Tony can just about flick his eyes up and see the man behind the many people gathered to watch him almost die. Something about his expression as he holds Stephens gaze is strange, like he's afraid of something. Stephen however just extends a hand and after a flash of orange and the signature sound of a portal a silver case is given to him. 

Stephen magics the infinity stones out of his burned hand and packs them in the case before clicking it close and handing it off to Bruce. “It's over” he says, to everyone behind him. 

Tony may be alive but he still feels slow, his head still spins when Stephen helps him up on his good side and what he hears doesn't process immediately into meaning. So when Stephen says “It's time to go home” he doesn't quite understand. 

“Tony. Where… where do you live?” that gets through to him, and Tony watches Stephens face, close to his, and sees a man realising that it's been five years, that Tony's hair isn't one colour anymore, that things have happened, sad things. For Stephen it was only a moment. 

“there's a lake. And it's so quiet” Tony smiles, imagining Stephen waking up and walking into the small kitchen with tired eyes and heavy feet, or reading a spell book on the couch. It's what he had wanted when he bought the house, all those years ago, back when the wedding was in its final stages of planning. It was supposed to be a surprise, a honeymoon destination at which he would admit that the house was really theirs, that they could build a life within its walls instead of springing from tower to compound to Sanctum. He wishes they hadn't pushed back the honeymoon, but things cannot be undone and maybe now is their chance.

While Stephen talks with Steve, seemingly to get an address to Tony's house, he looks around. The snap worked, he wished for Thanos and all who followed him to be gone and that's what there is, peace atop the rubble of the Avengers compound and dust carried by the wind. He also finds that Steve is crying, but swallowing it in favour of helping Stephen. Then he looks down at his arm and finds he can't feel it at all. 

“thank you Steve, will you all take charge of the situation? Tony needs rest” Stephen says. Tony sees his scarred hand tighten over his left shoulder and feels nothing at all. A small sacrifice for the universe. 

Stephen opens a portal and everything's so much brighter than ash and destruction and decay, it's green and breezy with the chirps of birds Tony recognises well after spending so many years alone. 

“you really live here Mr Stark?” Peter asks as he wipes his face from all the grief he's had to face. His curiosity comes second to nothing. 

“sure do” he exhales, listening to the leaves crunch under his iron feet as they approach his humble abode. 

“I like it” Tony looks up to see Stephens soft smile, like he can picture it too, the domestic life.

A few minutes have them all back in casual dress and filling Tony's house, their house, like it hasn't ever been filled before. Tony's had visitors; Pep, Bruce, Happy and Rhodey among others but nothing fills the place like the two people he loves the most, the two people he bought it for. 

"Your arm" Peter says absently where he's sat on Tony's right. All three pairs of eyes are on it now, looking at Tony's charred skin, a dark burgundy thing with craters like scales. It's horrific but Tony doesn't feel pain anymore, just nothing. By the look on Stephens face he knows it's gone too. 

"Not a problem Pete. I'll have a metal arm like Bucky" he smiles at the kid, hiding the sadness he feels at the urge to sling an arm around him he can't deliver on.

They stay for a while, Tony and Peter sat together, the boys head on his unfeeling shoulder and Stephen pacing between the coffee table and the fireplace. Until he stops, and turns to Peter. "Pete you have to go to May"

"Oh god you're right" Peter stands in alarm. He knows how he felt, searching the portals for Stephen and him, the desperation, the fear, the lifting of a weight when he finally saw them. May feels just the same, no doubt about it. 

After one long look into his eyes Peter disappears into a portal of Stephens making and the air changes, all the questions Tony has finally starting to surface. "Why am I alive?" 

Stephen stops abruptly and stares like he's staring into the everlasting void of space. Tony feels those eyes caving into him but can't quite tell what's in them. "You and I both know what wielding the stones does. How?"

Stephen breathes in. "A spell. I cast a spell to counter the effect"

"A… spell? You know a spell stronger than all of the infinity stones?" Tony raises a brow at him where he stands with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Have a little faith in me Tony" Stephen smirks, boy Tony missed that cocky smile so much it hurt. 

"I have all my faith in you, but nobody, nothing can defeat the stones" nothing like the stones can teach a person how devastating power is, Thanos thought he was God, and that lead to death and destruction. If the stones had never existed people that aren't alive today could be. 

"The stones can defeat the stones" Stephen points out. That lowers Tony's brow right back down where it came from. 

"You used the time stone" Stephen shakes his head unnaturally slowly and Tony can't tell if it's his sluggish mind or if it's real. 

"No. I used knowledge given to me by the soul stone" 

"Huh?"

Stephen sighs, rounding the table to sit on its edge, facing Tony. He looks just the same as he did on Titan five years ago, same perfect hair and flawless skin. Just as unbelievably beautiful. "When we turned to dust I grappled for a connection and I linked with the soul stone. There's a world within it Tony, and I used what it gave me to restore your dying soul"

"Magic makes my head hurt" he replies after a beat of silence. He understands, but it doesn't make sense at all. How can a dust particle connect with an infinity stone? How can a stone teach? How can one communicate with a stone? 

"Mine too" Stephen smiles and Tony forgets all those questions, because it's so fond and loving. He missed that smile for five years and its arrival makes his eyes sting. 

"Stephen" he doesn't mean to choke the name out but that's how it comes. "I missed you" when he crumples into himself he wishes he could cover his face with two hands but that luxury is gone. 

Warmth washes over him when Stephen hugs him close. "I know. I'm sorry" he whispers, gripping tight to the black fabric on his back and being his rock, like always, like forever. 

"Five years" Tony chokes, his hand grabbing at Stephens grey top like it's the only thing that'll keep him from drowning. 

"I won't leave you again" 

That night Stephen sleeps like he's never slept before while Tony lies wide awake, for one he fears that if he closes his eyes he'll lose Stephen, his sleeping body will turn to dust and be gone forever, his other fear is peace. Since the 2012 invasion he's had nightmares, nightmares that have consumed him and even lead him astray. Now Thanos, the cause of it all, is gone, a fragment in the wind. What will he dream? 

Restlessness brings barely any sleep let alone dreams, and the next day takes him back to real life, away from the quiet of Thanos' death. 

"Who was that?" Stephen asks, coming in with two mugs of that amazing tea he makes and resting one on the glass table in front of him. He pockets his phone and smiles at the sight of Stephen wearing his ACDC t shirt and sweats. 

"The city mayor, he's threatening to build a statue of me" among other things, like authorising clean up of the compound. The question hangs of whether or not it should be rebuilt. He's likely to give it the go ahead, so the young ones have somewhere to be united, maybe to find a unity the original six could never quite hang on to. 

"What did you say?" he asks over the white rim of his mug.

"Only if Natasha's built next to me, maybe in amorous embrace?" He raises a teasing brow. The question may be a joke but he would be ashamed to see a statue of himself alone, when his sacrifice can't even begin to rival hers. She made Thanos defeat possible. 

"Shush" Stephen can't help but smile. 

Tony sighs and rests his working elbow on his knee, the weight of the friend he’s lost settling on his shoulders. "I don't know what I'm gonna do without her, she had the best smile" Stephen puts his mug down next to Tony’s and comes closer, "I mean yours is my f- wow don't sit there" 

Stephen doesn't move from the spot he's taken next to him, blinking adorably. Tony loves to see him confused, a man usually aware of everything. "Why?"

"That's my ugly side. Sit on my left" He reaches over to swat at Stephen and as time goes by he realises more and more how doomed he is without another hand. He needs a new arm pronto.

"Ugly? Don't be an idiot" He scoffs, but Tony knows what he looks like, he’s seen his reflection, the charred skin of his ear and the side of his face. The black almost crawls into the outer corner of his eye and mouth. He knows he’s never looked like Steve, or Thor, or Stephen himself, but he liked the way he looked. The stones have tainted that. 

"My face is literally burned, nothing attractive in that"

Stephen smiles fondly, shakes his head, the yellow tint of the lamp at his side lights up the contour of his breath taking face. "Its proof, that you saved us all"

"Shouldn't I get a halo instead?"

"You already have one of those. And I love everything, toasted or not" He takes gentle hold of Tony's chin and leans in to plant a kiss on the battered skin of his face. 

"Mean" He replies with no conviction, enjoying Stephens soothing kisses as he peppers them all over the side of his face, where he can feel it. 

"I love you Tony" He whispers, spreading his huge hand over Tony’s left cheek and turning his head for a kiss. When Stephen was gone he felt cold and nothing could warm him, however hard he tried to ignore his pain. Now he’s finally warm again, it blooms within him at the touch of Stephens lips, his shaky fingers, the closeness of his body. 

"I love you too" He replies when Stephen pulls back to run his fingers through Tony’s greyed hair. For Stephen it must feel like such a sudden change, Tony barely remembers how his hair was then, on Titan.

"Thank you, for not moving on" Stephen murmurs, simultaneously distracted by the hair behind Tony’s ear and expressing deep gratitude in his gaze. 

Tony reels back in surprise. "Move on? Are you nuts?"

"5 years is a long time" Stephens right, five years is a long time, he knows just how long it is to spend 1825 days sitting alone waiting for a miracle, trying to forget, to live, but failing. 

"I don't care. I plan to be buried wearing this ring" He replies, entirely truthfully, splaying his hand over Stephens heart and watching the gold glint subtly in the soft light. 

"Yea me too" Stephen agrees, placing his hand over Tony’s, lacing their fingers together as best he can with the nerve damage. This is it, the happy ending he had hoped for.

-

“Morning Barnes” Tony looks up from the metal skeleton of his arm to see Rhodey and Pete walking into the garage from the bright outdoors. 

“Hey Wilson” He quips back, shutting the control panel on his inner bicep. It’s been a week and a half since the snap, his snap, and three days ago he got his arm hacked off in place for a new one, one which he finished building yesterday and is done setting up now. 

“Wilson? Why? Because we’re black?” Rhodey jokes. 

“Would you prefer Captain Rogers? And you're the one calling me Bucky just because we both have metal arms” Tony argues, wrenching his new arm free from the stabilizer on the table and curling his metal fingers to see if it works well. The hand reminds him of Nebula, the hard yet kind girl that took care of him when they were stranded in space. 

“Who would win in an arm wrestle Mr Stark?” The kid asks, hopping to sit on Tony's work table like it hasn't got sharp objects scattered across it. Whenever he looks at Peter, into his big innocent eyes, he wants to cry. He missed the boy so much and having him back is a breath of fresh air that’ll never turn stale. 

“I’d like to think me” He shrugs, finally with both shoulders.

“Why don't you and Pete go at it?” Rhodey suggests with mischief on his face. Peter seems up for the challenge. 

“That’d be a good test, hold on” Tony picks up the small circular reactor on the table and turns his palm up, dropping the disk in the space made for it. It becomes the flesh of the arm, covering the ugly silver skeleton with red and gold like liquid, from his hand up to his shoulder. He knew it made the most sense to have a structure as his arm then add nanotech as a separate, so he could use the extremity as a gun or shield but always have the control of an arm within the nanostructures. 

“Sick” Rhodey says as Tony clears a spot on the table for he and Peter to rest their elbows. They share a look once they’re in position and it signals the start of the wrestle. Tony knows his arm could lift vehicles and even stop them in motion, in fact the tech has held its own against Thanos’ strength but Peter does quick work of slamming his hand into the table so hard things fall off it and clatter onto the floor. 

“Damn Tony that's ugly”

“It also doesn't leave this garage” He points warningly at Rhodey, with his metal finger. The connection between the arm and his motor senses is perfect. 

“Sorry” Peter says in a small voice, gathering everything that fell.

“Not a problem, I’m glad to know you can defend yourself out there on the dangerous streets of Queens” He Takes Peter by the arm and places his other hand on Rhodey's back, leading them out of the garage and into the too bright morning. “What brings you two here?”

“Well Stephen hasn't been answering Wong's calls and we wanted to see our favourite man” Rhodey elbows him in the ribs and as Tony rolls his eyes they catch on Stephen and Wong. 

“Yea he’s been taking it easy” He says absently, watching Stephen listen to Wong, still wearing his navy dressing gown and holding a tacky Iron man mug Rhodey got him from Walmart. He's got a lot of Iron Man merchandise thanks to his lovely friends. 

“I see that. Shouldn't you be the one resting?” He hears Rhodey reply as he leads the three of them over to the lake. Stephen looks stiff and Tony cant see Wong's face but the set of his shoulders looks rather tense. He hopes it isn't about Stephen returning to the sanctum, because he’s sure he'd combust after five minutes without the man near him. Whenever he can't hear or see Stephen a fear creeps into him, its irrational but he fears he might lose him, turn around and see him blowing through the wind like he did on Titan.

“Tony Stark doesn't rest” He continues to watch the two sorcerers interact on the porch and can’t help but think, for the millionth time, that something's not quite right about his husband, he seems wrung out, more and more so as time passes. 

“Unfortunately” Rhodey grumbles, heavily sitting in one of the two fold out chairs by the water. Stephen and him had sat there a few days ago and he watched him create figures from the water, loose ones, like silhouettes of dolphins or turtles. It was one of the many moments that made him thank the stars that he’s still alive to experience that level of peace and awe, to laugh at his best friends jokes and admire Peters heart. 

“Friday tells me the Brits want to knight you, there's a Nobel prize with your name on it, the US government wants to pin another pretty meddle on your breasts, there's a m-”

“I know” He interrupts. Friday has something new to notify him about every ten minutes seemingly. 

“And? Are you going to accept anything? Make a speech?” Rhodey rests his ankle on his knee and looks up at him.

“I just want to rest”

Peter frowns “But you just said-”

“You know what I mean, I want to be regular” He gestures at the humble house to his right, at his husband with hair sticking up at the back of his head from sleep. He never usually lets himself be seen in public without fussing over his main for an eternity, something really has shifted. 

Rhodey's eyebrows fall low. “Tony you literally saved the entire universe from decimation”

“And I couldn't have done that without all of you”

“And people say Steve's the heroic one” He sighs, shaking his head.

“Mr Stark, is Dr Strange alright?” Tony follows Peters concerned gaze to Stephen, still talking to Wong. The shift is small, but Stephens leaning on the panelled wall of the house rather heavily and wrapping his arm around himself like its winter not spring.

“Probably catching a cold if he keeps hanging out outside in that” Rhoey comments, straining his neck to watch. Just then Wong trots down the steps to the ground and the three of them take it as a queue to approach.

“Can't keep you for breakfast can I?” Tony calls, getting Wong to turn. There's something grave about his expression, like he’s at a funeral. 

“Unfortunately not, I can't be away from the sanctum for too long”

“Does Stephen need to go back?” He asks, in a voice smaller than he intended. He doesn't want Stephen to go back, he wants him to live here, like he’s always dreamt, a dream that made him go mad in the five years of solitude, thinking the crunching of leaves outside was Stephen watering plants when it was just a bird, or forgetting to turn off a tap and imagining its him carefully washing his hands before dinner. 

“No no, he needs to stay here with you, that's his calling now” It’s somewhat a surprise to hear the words when Wong was their biggest cock block -other than Pete and his bad timing- always coming in the middle of dates or just any time together to take Stephen back to his duties. 

“Thank you” He nods to the man, knowing that it’ll be him guarding the sanctum so he and Stephen can be together. 

“Bye Tony” Wong stares for a long while, looking at him as if it's the last time they'll ever see each other. When Tony frowns the man offers him a curt nod before disappearing through a portal. 

“You have weird friends Tony” Rhodey says, resting a hand on his metal shoulder. 

“I do don't I?” He replies, staring at the spot where Wong had last been. Something must be going on between him and Stephen. 

“We’ll leave you two alone before he accidentally flashes his goody bag or something” Rhodey jabs a thumb at Stephen, whos now leaning up against the banister seeming million miles away. He doesn't even seem to notice that one side of his robe is falling off his bare shoulder.

“Appreciated. See ya” He claps a hand on Rhodey's shoulder and presses a kiss on Peters forehead before ruffling his hair. It's not something he's ever done before but it feels natural, right, even if Peters jaws hanging off. 

Tony paces back to the house with hands deep in pockets and the sound of Rhodes car becoming quieter and quieter behind him. When he gets to Stephen he leans at his side, reaching up with his flesh hand to hook his pinkie into Stephen's where it rests on the banister. Apparently its that that snaps him out of his trance, awarding a turn of the head but no words. “It’s a beautiful day isn't it?”

“Hm, yea” Stephen agrees, looking over at the still lake and the white sunlight breaking through the trees to illuminate it.

“Good to be breathing the air today” He sighs, smiling at the sight of two birds dancing around each other on a branch. 

“What?” Stephen asks, seeming to be completely back in the present. 

“Sorry, when you almost die from oxygen deprivation you start to think about breathing completely differently” 

“It was Carol… Danvers? Right? That brought you back?” He says, in that sort of tone he uses when he knows something but also knows just stating facts would make for very one sided conversation. 

“Yea, that girls great, I’ll have to send her a care basket as a thank you” He remembers the first time he ever saw her, how he thought he was hallucinating or that angels really did come and take you to heaven when death was near. 

“Easier said than done, isn't she on a new planet every week?” Stephen says with a small smile. 

Tony looks to his husband and he’s about to answer something witty when he realises it's not the light, Stephen really is paler than usual, almost white as a sheet. “Stephen are you okay?”

“Course” He frowns tightly and nods decisively, almost like he’s trying to convince himself that he’s alright. 

“You won't be for very long if you don't put some clothes on love” Tony pulls up the fallen fabric and tugs at the robe to give it some sort of order. He’ll wait, ask Stephen again at another point. 

“Says the man in a tank top” 

“Hey I was working on the arm, I have a reason”

“Well I was in bed until Rhodey's engine woke me up, so I have an excuse too” he argues, taking hold of Tony's metal wrist and inspecting the new addition.

“Should we go back to bed? Maybe test out what this arm can do?” He asks, running his flesh fingers over Stephens otherworldly cheekbone.

Stephens smile is wicked. “I hope you don’t mean it can tuck me in”

“Oh it sure can, but I was thinking something more creative” Tony purrs, leading Stephen inside by the small of his back. 

A week later Stephen gets sick. 

“How do you feel?” Tony eyes him where he sits in the kitchen wrapped in a white sheet and nothing more, eating the bagel he made him.

“Is alive good enough?” He replies, smiling innocently. It’s not very convincing when he’s the colour of the sheet and glistening with sweat. 

“No. I don't get it, your temperature is stable, how can you have the flu?” Stephen looks like he's about to ask how he knows so he points at his glasses. 

“You invented time travel, is it so hard to believe that not all flus cause temperature changes?” He argues, mostly into his tea. Tony imagines that beverage must have healing properties but it’s done nothing for Stephen who’s getting weaker by the day.

“But I don't have it and we’ve been in very close contact” He insists, mostly to himself. It’s all so baffling, he’s showing symptoms that seem normal but the rest isn't. He hasn't even blown his nose once. 

“You have a sex life we get it” Stephen rolls his eyes dramatically, failing at holding back a smug smile as he sips tea. His hand shakes a lot more violently than it usually does, toppling some liquid over the rim and onto the sheet he wears. 

“You're too weak to brush your teeth, so I in fact don't have a sex life right now” He points out before turning to start on the few dishes in the sink. 

“Tragic, whatever will you do?” Stephen says in his typical sarcastic tone, one of the most annoying yet lovable of his traits. 

“You know what you have the MD, I trust you” He receives no answer so busies himself with the dishes. When he’s done and facing Stephen, drying his hands, he finds the man hunched and staring at his half eaten bagel. He’s dripping in exhaustion, its painfully obvious. “You're going back to bed” He decides. 

“I’m so tangled though” He complains weakly, referring to the sheet around him.

“Do you hate clothes?” He crosses his arms and leans his waist against the counter, shaking his head at the drooping goof at the table before him. 

“As if you mind, and I am wearing these” His long leg emerges from the sheet to tease a slip of his blue boxers with iron man faces on them, Tony got him a set of three for one Valentines day years ago. 

“Cute. Now, bedtime” 

Stephen grunts, rising from the chair, until he’s not, until he's swaying backwards and falls over the chair in a loud clatter. Tony's heart stops cold and when he scrambles to circle the table the sight he sees stops his legs. Stephens on the floor, breathing but clearly out cold. His right arm had been hidden within the sheet the entire time but now it lies exposed and limp against the wood of the floor. His wrist is burned, like Tony’s skin, and in the cracks of burned flesh glows green, like toxic rivers. 

“Friday” He chokes, falling to his knees next to Stephen. Any skin he touches is damp with sweat and cold. 

“He appears not to be in critical danger sir”

“Depends how you define critical danger” Tony huffs, feeling less like his heart is being squeezed dry. He’s thankful for his new arm, it allows him to pick Stephen up and carry him very easily, taking them straight to the med room he had built next to the downstairs bathroom just in case. 

Tony doesn't leave the room and counts every second that passes as he listens to the sounds of all the machines he’s hooked Stephen up to beeping away steadily, it takes him 4 hours to wake. It’s not a slow awakening, more a burst into sitting up, a panicked gaze searching until it finds Tony. 

“Stephen what's really wrong with you?” He asks, cutting right to the chase. None of it adds up, and his wrist throws so much into the array.

Stephen doesnt reply, instead looks down at his wrist. Tony watches his eyes darken into a pit of despair the longer he stares at the damage on his skin that seems to have spread in the last hours.

“Stephen. What happened?” Silence. “In your vows you promised never to lie to me”

“Which is why I’m choosing silence” He answers at the sheet draped over him.

“Omitting the truth worked when there was only one way for us to beat Thanos, now it wont” 

“Please Tony, don't make me” He looks up and the desperation in his eyes takes his breath away. What secret could make him look so broken? 

“Stephen Vincent Stark, tell me why you're sick” Tony pushes, while it might hurt Stephen this is a threat to his health and Tony has to know. He has to. 

“I know what you’ll say if I do. I can't, please, I can't face that” He closes his eyes and a tear races out of one of them, decorating his pale face. 

Tony swallows and struggles to get his words out steadily. “Steve told me he lied about my parents because he didn't want me to hurt Bucky. Please, don't let your fear push you to betray me too” 

“Tony I wouldn't ever-” 

“I don't want any secrets between us”

“You’re saying there's nothing you haven't told me?”

There is one thing, one awful truth he had not yet revealed. He swallows at the thought of the words he's about to say. “I tried to overdose. Twice”

“Tony” His name leaves Stephen like a punch in the gut, he looks like he’s cracked inside. Tony feels it. 

He sits in the chair behind him and clasps his hands together with a heavy sigh. “It had been three years. I was so alone I started going mad, I wanted it all to just end, I was in so much pain. Clearly I hadn’t programmed Friday tightly enough, she contacted Rhodey and he came just on time, got me medical attention. The second he took his eye off me I tried again. Friday and him saved me again, and he sent me off to Space with Carol to do the Galactic police gig. It got me back on track to help aliens going through exactly what I was. Thank god really, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have gotten to see you again. That's my secret, now you know everything” It’s a weight lifted, but also a painful reminder of a dark past that had Tony surrounded by ghosts and filled with constant aching. Then, his pills made his mouth water, they were the apple in the garden of Eden, his pain was the serpent. 

“I wish I could have done something, given you a sign”

“You didn't need to do anything, you couldn't, but you can now, tell me your secret”

“Alright, okay. I… I didn't heal you” he whispers so quietly he almost doesn't hear him. 

“You… didn't? Why is- what?” He leans forward, awaiting explanation. 

Stephen inhales shakily. “I- I paused your condition. You were supposed to die when you snapped, it was inevitable, I lied about the soul stone and the spell. I’m sorry” 

“What do you mean you paused it?” 

“The… the reason I’m weak is because I’m holding the clock on your death” He finally says, meeting eyes with Tony, devastated meeting surprised. 

“So… If you broke the spell, I’d die?” his silence is answer enough. Tony feels like he's fusing into his chair. “Will it kill you?”

The question has his hands bunching into the sheets, something Tony knows isn't easy for him to do and he can just about see him biting his lip. It's telling. “Will it kill you Stephen?”

“The truth is I don’t know” He shrugs. 

Tony laboriously rises from his chair and goes to sit on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on Stephens thigh hopefully to comfort him. “If I predict that you're fighting against the power of 5 infinity stones would I be wrong?” 

“Yes. I’m fighting all of them, the time stone is draining my magic while the rest of the stones resist it” he admits.

“Do you think it'll kill you?” no answer, “Stephen?” he wiggles the fingers of his real hand into Stephens tight fist to loosen his hand and grips to the sweaty palm tightly. 

He lets out a very forced breath.“Most likely Tony, most likely”

Then he understands what Stephen meant, what Tony would do with the information, he knows exactly what he's about to say and why Stephen will hate it. “Stephen I know you don't want me to say this, and half of me doesn't want to either, but you have to let me go”

“No” he sounds so strangled as he shakes his head it makes Tony's eyes brim.

“If you don't we’ll both die anyway” he says gently. The reassuring tone does nothing.

“I’ll take that” he says firmly, looking up at Tony with his mouth straight as a line and eyes glistening.

“No you won't. We have two outcomes, I die and you don't or we both die” they both know Stephen doesn't need to die. But him, he's a dead man walking. 

“Tony you just said that you wanted to end it when I was gone. I… I can't live on without you” his eyes drip with tears and vulnerable truth. It hurts so much, the thought of leaving him. 

“I think you can, you're strong” 

He shakes his head again, and more hair falls to his brow bone. “Not as strong as you, I won't last a year”

“You knew since Titan I was going to die Stephen” that's what the finger meant, that's what the sad look before he disappeared signified. 

“And when the moment came I had to stop it, because I’m nothing without you” he looks so lost, It reminds him of Peter when he thought he was nothing without his suit. It had always been the case that he's everything without it.

“Don't be silly, you're everything without me, you’re Dr Strange” he wipes Stephens tears with his fingers and attempts a grin but it feels weird on his face. 

“No I’m Dr Stark” he replies, piercing Tony with his clear blue eyes. He can still be a Stark without him, carry on the name and wear it like a memorial, like an honour for the lost. 

It's not fair, he knows, but life hardly ever is. “Let me go Stephen"

"I don't know how" 

Tony cups Stephens face with both hands and smiles. "Pull it together. You're the Sorcerer Supreme" He doesn't look like it so much, he looks like a desperate man, and Tony wishes he could make it go away. 

"Why are you talking like you don't care to die?" 

"I told you I don't want die but everyone has an end date and I've passed mine. You're playing god"

"Is that so bad?" He asks, leaning into the warmth of Tony’s flesh hand and closing his eyes. Tears cling to his lashes. 

"Thanos played god" Regardless of whether the Titan was right he disrupted nature and it wasn't his call to do that, it isn't anybody's. 

"And you killed him. We need you, I need you" Every word Stephen speaks makes it harder and harder for him to hold resolve, but he has to. 

"Stephen I was alive for a reason, ending Thanos. He's gone and I'm going too, I've fulfilled my purpose" He lets his hands slip off Stephens face and takes both his hands. 

"You don't believe in those things" He scoffs a laugh, but not an amused one in the slightest. 

"Do you remember when we first met, 8 years ago, god, Everett brought me to the sanctum to help you find Mordo" 

He smiles deprecatingly at their joined hands. "I know what you're going to say. Don't" 

"He wanted the stone and he locked us up in some magic chamber. You said that you would protect the stone even if I had to die for it to be so" He remembers it clearly, the two of them butting heads as they had been from the very first conversation they had.

"That was different"

"You're a wizard, you can handle this better than most" Tony assures, squeezing Stephens clammy hands lightly. 

"If you're gone, who will call me a wizard?" He tries, voice breaking like glass. It breaks Tony’s heart too. 

"Everyone except Wong calls you a wizard" He points out, trying a smile.

"Do I look like I have a long white beard?"

"No you look like a mess" Tony retorts, and he isn't wrong, Stephens hair is all over his forehead and damp with sweat, his face is sickly pale and his eyes are almost glowing red as tears drip out of them. It hurts so much to see him in pain like this. 

"Piss off" He snaps, although smiling. 

"If you let me" Tony says softly. Apparently the gentle tone doesn't buffer the way Stephens smile crashes and burns. “Stephen my life is mine, I get to choose what happens to it, please”

“I know. I wish there was another way”

“You said yourself there wasn't. 24 hours okay?” He checks his watch, “By 6pm tomorrow I need to go” He says it like he’s getting a flight to a conference in Wakanda, not like what it really is, a one way ticket. 

“Alright, okay. Okay. But if you change your mind, please tell me” Stephen looks up at him and his eyes search Tony's like a lost child desiring confirmation. 

Tony smiles, and knowing full well he won't, he leans close and presses a kiss to Stephens lips. “Of course I will”

They decide that Tony will use the rest of that day to say his goodbyes. He visits Clint and his family as they are the closest to him. Looking at them exist always makes him so proud of Natasha, for giving her best friend the gift of family. “If there is an afterlife, would you tell her I say hi?” Clint asks him, hand on his left arm, squeezing assuringly. When Tony nods Clint simply tells him to take care, and off he goes in his car to the next place.

He parks in Steve's drive soon after. The elderly man and him sit together cracking jokes and reminiscing the past, and crying, well, Steve crying set Tony off. He leaves the man with an assurance that the Avengers will be watched over, and that he’ll take good care of Americas ass. 

At the cemetery he lays flowers on his parents graves for the last time. 

By the time he gets to the new Shield base on the outskirts of the city the suns dipped under the horizon. It was surreal speeding down a road and watching the sky light up in bright oranges and yellows knowing it'll be the last sunset he’ll ever see. He went for Fury but is lucky to catch him in a meeting with Maria, Carol and Everett. He gets to say goodbye to them all; Maria cries and Fury may look a little shinier in the eye when he hugs Tony tight and tells him the world will be lesser without him. Tony’s sure to tell Everett to drop in on Stephen for him as they share a hug with many slaps on the back. Carol squeezes him so tight he’s sure something breaks and doesn't let go for a long time. When she does she tells him he’s the most extraordinary person she’s ever had the honour of knowing and it trikes him so deep he lets a few tears loose, remembering all their adventures together and the light they returned to his black life. 

Rhodey cries. He cries a lot more than Tony expected. He's always seen his friend as the pillar of strength and sanity he aspired to be, he hadn't thought about how much he would feel.

"Nothing will be the same when you're gone" he tells him, hand tight on his real shoulder.

"It'll be better" he teases back.

When Rhodey smiles his tears glisten under the soft lights of his living room "course it will"

"That's the spirit" He knocks him in the shoulder and in response Rhodey grabs him and hugs him so tightly. They stay like that for a while, until Tony has to move on, in every sense of the phrase. He drives off with the image of Rhodey waving with one hand and wiping his tears with the other, one of the memories he'll hold on to till the bitter end. 

Dropping into the Sanctum to see Wong is a different experience. Not one tear is shed and when he tells the librarian it's time for him to go he doesn't question where, he nods and knows.

"I'll take care of Stephen" he says as Tony opens his mouth to ask that exact thing of the man. 

"But really take care of him, I know how it feels to lose the person you love the most, if he goes through anything I did he's going to need more than just a friend"

"I understand. I'll keep him busy" 

"Thank you" Tony hugs the man, for the first time, and to his surprise Wong hugs back.

"I'm sorry things had to be this way" He says after they part. 

Tony smiles as his heart burns. "So am I. Take care of yourself Wong" 

Since the compound is completely demolished the Avengers HQ finds itself at the tower again, where it all started. Bruce is there. They talk, hug, a surprisingly gentle one considering he's Hulk, and wait for Quill to pick up a call. 

"Tony" Nebula says in her low voice after appearing as a hologram in the room. It hurts so much that he'll have to tell her he's going for good. 

When all the guardian's are present, and Thor -who's lost weight but still has dirty hair-, he breaks the news. Thor and Nebula argue with him for an age, trying to find ways to keep him alive, but it's all futile, the forces that created the universe demand his death, nothing can overpower that, not even Stephen. 

Thor cries but gives him that wide winning smile of his and the rest say their goodbyes with sad smiles. When they're all gone from the feed only Nebulas left. The two of them share a long look full of memories, the ups and downs of their time on the ship, the music, games. She took care of him and he tried his best to take care of her. 

"You're my first… friend" she says, blinking slowly. 

"And hopefully not the last. You're a great girl Neb. Thank you" there's so much to thank her for; her help and her sacrifices for Tony to live on the ship just a little longer. 

"I won't forget you Tony" she says, and it's the softest tone he's ever heard from her. 

"Take care" he tells her with a smile and truly hopes her days of pain are over for good. She deserves that. 

"Goodbye" the feed cuts and she's gone. 

"Well this is it then" Bruce says quietly, wet eyes looking into Tony's. 

He keeps smiling. "This is it" 

When Tony falls asleep Stephens awake, and when he sits up in bed four hours later Stephens awake. "Did you sleep?" He croaks, scrubbing his eyes and watching the Sorcerer sit with his back against the headboard. He doesn't hear Tony at all even though he's staring right at him. He looks sick still, paler than usual, shivering when it's not cold, eyes red.

"Babe" he reaches out and rubs a thumb on Stephens arm, he blinks and his eyes gain more focus. "Come on, I'm gonna order pancakes and donuts and waffles and eat them all" he slides out of bed and has Stephen follow him by the wrist. 

"When you were gone I used to picture what it'd be like to be here with you having a quiet breakfast" he says, running fingers along the kitchen counter after ordering enough food for a whole family. Well, they are a whole family. 

"You're not helping" Stephen says, his first words since Tony got back last night. He had invited Pepper and Happy over to tell them the news and through the whole devastating exchange Stephen just sat.

"I'm trying to make conversation" 

"I don't want to think about what this is" he knows what he means, that this is their last breakfast. It makes something inside him weep. 

"Okay, alright, let's talk legal then" he leans his back on the counter and crosses his arms. 

"What?" He blinks up at Tony from his spot at the sable. 

"My assets; you're going to get all my properties, except the one in May Parkers name, someone will get an itinerary to you. As for my cars, do what you like, sell them, gift them, whatever, take care of them though. Peps gonna get all my Iron Man stuff. I want you to keep this though," he taps at the reactor in his chest, "because I'll always be with you ya know?" 

"Tony" 

"You'll get most of my money, and my accountants, you'll need them. I do have a savings account for Peter and other ones for the Avengers and all, just so you know, and they'll be going to their respective parties" 

"Stop"

"Pepper is going to have control over the A tower and compound, you'll have my share of SI, umm… What else…" 

"I don't care" he says louder, his voice breaking. 

Tony aches, "I know you're sad Stephen but we have to go over these things" 

Stephens jaw juts and Tony grips the counter behind him. "Sad!? You know I'm sad? You could give me the universe and I still wouldn't care because I can't have you!" He yells, his last words breaking off into a sob.

He doesn't know what to say, but he has to say something, anything "Isn't the universe a nice bonus though?" 

Stephen sighs, and loosely clasps his hands together. "I'm sorry. I realise I'm pushing you into a corner"

"Yea, I don't know what to say" he scratches the hair at his nape and the laugh that leaves him is utterly nervous. 

"Happens when there's too much to say" Stephen smiles weakly, looking up at Tony that way that makes his eyes look so big and open. 

"I missed this" he says, relaxing enough to walk up to Stephen and run fingers into the hair at the back of his head. 

"What?" He hums, poking his chin into Tony's hip to look up at him. 

"Someone who understands" he explains, fiddling with the front of Stephens hair to get it to fan over his brows, how he likes it best despite the man's protests. 

"I'll miss it" Stephen replies, the smile falling from his eyes. 

"Me too" he replies, but not for the same reason. If death really is a whole lot of nothing he'll miss the sight of Stephen, just looking at his ever-changing expressive eyes, full lips, great hair and stupid cheekbones. “God you're gorgeous”

Stephen brightens. Back in the day he’d constantly ignore any comment Tony had about his looks. He thought at first that it was emotional constipation but as Stephen let Tony in more and more he found that it was because he thought they were lies, empty compliments. He changed that perception quickly, showing Stephen at every turn just how beautiful he thought he was. Now he has the pleasure of watching him smile at it. “Not as much as you. I love the new look”

“Yea? I call it being an old fart” He jokes, running fingers through his hair with his metal hand. In truth he likes the look, and while he considered a dye job he decided that those five years of The Fallen changed him, and he can't take away the visual representation; fading, greying. 

“Beautiful old fart” Stephen corrects, slipping his massive hand under the hem of Tony’s loose vest. It's a hot and comforting pressure on his waist. 

“Yum. You know with the time we lost I’m 17 years older than you” He realises while arranging Stephens bangs so there's an equal amount of hair on either side. 

“Crazy” He comments, then guides Tony by the vest so he's standing knee to knee with them man. An eyebrow arch is enough message of Stephens intention so Tony climbs onto his lap and touches their foreheads together. Stephen only needs to angle his chin a little to join their lips and the kiss sends such a rush of despair though Tony he has to grab onto him for dear life.

“You okay?” Stephen leans back and whispers to him, concern in his brow. He shakes his head and grabs the front of his hoodie to join their lips agan. They kiss desperately, like they need each other to live, like it's the last time. It’s almost the last time. 

Before Tony's tears can touch their tongues the doorbell rings and he’s bringing a tower of white boxes to the table so high he stubs his toe on a chair leg on the way. 

“We’re never going to eat all of that” Stephen eyes the tower like it might turn into a feral beast at any second. It smells heavenly though.

“Pete would be useful right about now” Tony chuckles, metal finger tapping against wooden table. He has to swallow the sick feeling of picturing the boys reaction. 

“You haven't spoken to him yet have you?”

“I want him to be here, when it's time” He explains in a broad gesture before separating the tower into three piles; donuts, waffles and pancakes. 

“Are you sure?” He understands Stephens sceptical look, asking someone to watch someone they care about flicker out of existence is cruel really.

“It’s selfish, but I want you two to be, well, you know. And he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to” He explains, not wanting to say ‘I want you to be there when I die’. It’s too real. 

“Yea, lets save him some then” Stephen smiles in a small way and nods once, grabbing Tony's wrist, sitting him on one leg and immediately circling an arm around his waist. It’s so comforting and safe Tony smiles like a lovesick idiot, which is exactly what he is of course. 

It’s fun, their last breakfast, it feels like being young again. Stephen insists to feed Tony, then ‘accidentally’ pushes a waffle against his nose, staining it with all sorts of delicious gunk, and he tries to reach it with his tongue, which has his husband laughing finally. He also ‘accidentally’ smears whipped cream on Tony’s neck and insists on licking it off. 

“Oops, seems like I mistook you for a snack” He murmurs in his ear after surprising Tony with a very racy drag of the teeth against his skin. 

“Stop hanging out with Peter” He scolds, trying very hard not to smile.

“Never” he whispers back, smiling smugly. It makes Tony so happy he practically wrings his neck to smash his lips against his. He was going to get around to talking to him about it but he wants Stephen to step into the role he had, not only as a financial aid and fellow avenger, but as a mentor, a friend, a parent in a sense. Stephen already knows what he needs to do for the kid. 

They eat until Tony suspects he might be pregnant with how full he is and while Stephen uses his magic to clear everything away he sings Disney's Be Our Guest but doesn't actually know any of the lyrics so ends up repeating the same phrase over and over until Stephen sends a pan flying very almost right in his face. 

“I think I’m going to die” He groans, laid out on the floor like a starfish. Stephens hand freezes mid offering to help him up and he doesn't smile and shake his head like he usually does when Tony says that stuff. His face and hand just fall. No more death jokes for the day he concludes. “Hey Steph” Stephen stops mid turn, “You wanna see me climb the tallest tree out there?”

Stephen of course doesn't want to see a 53 year old man climb a tree but follows Tony outside anyway, probably to make sure he doesn't break his neck. He climbs the tallest tree, with his metal arm doing all of the work he gets up relatively fast. Once he’s sat on the highest branch, so high up he can barely hear what's likely to be Stephens nagging, he breathes the fresh air and looks out to the rest of the trees, and the buildings beyond them. The earth really is a special place, he’ll miss it. 

He doesn't stay long, not when Stephen awaits, so soon enough he’s standing on the branch. It’s so liberating to close his eyes, spread his arms, and fall backward. He doesn't have to hear Stephen screaming as leaves slap his cheeks, he can just imagine it, but when the times right he double tapps the reactor and the suit builds around him, saving him from the ground by few inches. 

“Tony for fucks sake!” Stephen yells, looking unsteady on his feet. He’s got his cloak on his shoulders, likely to go save him. He should know better. 

“You should really try that, its liberating” He tells him once he’s retracted his helmet, landing on the ground and trotting up to him. 

“Anything else suicidal you wanna do?”

“Nah I was just thinking we could take the boat out to the middle of the lake” He points to the simple two man boat perched at the edge of the lake, four oars tossed in it. 

“That sounds my speed” Stephen grumbles, taking the lead. 

Tony pushes the boat into the water and Stephens cloak is left behind when they both climb into the wobbly thing. The both row but it’s evident very quickly that Stephens exhausted. He ends up rowing with magic to not exert his tired body. It’s surreal to think that the reason he can breathe and walk around is all Stephen, all his sacrifice. 

Even the magic craps out, causing the oars to stutter to a drift. It’s the most shocking thing Tony’s ever seen since Steve wielded Mjolnir, or more since Stephen passed out. It’s strange to think that only happened yesterday. Regardless, Tony had always known Stephen as one of the strongest Avengers, a beacon of power, and here he is not being able to manage to maintain control over two wooden sticks. It goes to show just how much of his power the stones are demanding and that makes him feel queasy with guilt. 

“Now what?” Stephen asks, looking out into the lake from the middle.

“I was thinking whistle for Nessy but there’s something more interesting we can do”

“Oh?” Stephens question is answered when Tony sheds his vest and sweats, “Oh”

Many years ago he would have dived, but waterboarding changes a person, so he climbs out of the boat and takes a plunge into the lake. It's fairly warm outside but the water is freezing. “Join me, the temperature is lovely”

Stephen raises an unconvinced brow and Tony quickly bites his lip to hide its tremble. It’s so cold. Until the sorcerer jabs a finger in it, it glows, and suddenly the water’s warm, not like a freshly drawn bath but close enough. Tony groans and finally allows his limbs to relax. 

Although grumbling, Stephen does undress and climbs into the water next to him. It's fun to grab his ass then use the repulsor in his hand to speed away when he tries to get him back. 

Messing around in the water leads to snogging in the water leads to popping into the dark dimension and mooning Dormammu leads to running into the house naked and cold leads to sitting in front of the electric fire wrapped in huge fluffy blankets Everett got him after a whole deal with a near murder and orange shock blankets because he thought it was funny.

"Do you think Dormammu will come haunt us?" He asks Stephen, curling further in on himself to feel more cocooned in warmth. 

"Nah with an ass like yours he's probably thankful" Stephen says, watching the false fire wave and wriggle like a real one. The orange emitting from it makes his face glow. 

"Hm. He doesn't strike me as an ass man"

"No, he's more of a necrophile" he smirks. 

They sit quietly after that, until Tony's eyes catch the clock overhead. "Its 3:37" he reads. 

The time went so quickly, lost to never be retrieved again. He guesses it's alright, he's enjoyed every second. 

Stephen doesn't speak until the clock is just about reading 3:40. "What do you wanna do?"

He doesn't know really, but his instincts have him crawling over to Stephen and prying his navy blanket open so he can cuddle up against him, arms around his waist and feet overlapping. "Do you remember when Mordo took your powers? You were having an identity crisis" he recalls, resting his cheek on Stephens warm shoulder.

"Oh yea, I didn't get out of bed for days"

"You were so cute. Except when I tried to get your covers off you and you elbowed me in the nose" Stephens laugh resonates against Tony's skin and straight into his heart. 

"That day was the first time you said you loved me" He remembers, skimming Tony's side with his fingers in an up and down pattern, it's calming. 

"Yea, well more like yelled it" he remembers their argument, the way the confession dialed them both from frustration to silent surprise. 

"Well you had just beaten the shit out of Mordo, which was kind of mean" he points out. 

"I did it because I loved you" Tony argues back quietly. He couldn't face the man who robbed Stephen of such a beautiful and hard earned gift and not lose it on him. 

"Yes you did say" he chuckles. 

"I love you" Tony murmurs. The reason he even started thinking about that day so many years ago was because of how much he still loves Stephen. It burns just as brightly even with five years of crushing grief in the way. 

Stephen uses the arm around Tony's shoulders to pull him in and kiss him on the forehead. "I love you too tiny" 

"I definitely did not miss that you douche" he shoves Stephen and their entanglement causes them both to fall over in a heap of blankets and limbs. 

"Yea you did" Stephen smirks, his chin touching the spot between his clavicles to see him. 

He props himself on two elbows and drops his chin in his hands so Stephen doesn't have to strain where he lies. "Yea I did"

Again they're quiet for a period, in which they stare at each other; Stephen lost deep somewhere while Tony juggles between trying to figure out what he's thinking and how beautiful he is. "What should I do Tony?" He finally asks. 

"Huh?" His toes start to cool so he shuffles up, exposing more of his shoulders as a price. 

Stephen brings his arms up and laces his fingers behind his head. "After this, after you"

Tony blinks. From this morning until now Stephen was avoiding what was to come. "Well live of course, but not emptily, that's not fun, live to the full. You'll be busy being Sorcerer Supreme and you can hang out with the Avengers and you'll have your hands full with Peter. Make sure you do, May says she's always fine but I know sometimes she needs time to herself. You can have a picture of me in your wallet and show new people, tell them your husband saved the universe. And speaking of people, make more friends, give Everett a shot at being your bestie, I can really see you two as a pair, and give Bruce and Rhodey a chance, you'll love them.

Make sure when you're about to do something reckless you ask yourself If I would do it. If the answer is yes then don't" Stephen snorts, "Go on a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go, get involved in charity, get some house pets, start collecting watches again, find a disciple, make sure when they build my statue my ass is just right"

"It was all really inspiring until the last one. But yes I will pay close attention" 

There's another thing, and Tony almost doesn't want to say it. But it's important. "Also, I know this'll kill the mood, but don't forget I'm not your husband forever, I'm your husband as long as you want me to be"

Stephen upgrades to his elbows as a brace so he can fully gaze at Tony. "What does that mean?" 

"That if you meet someone don't shut them out because of me, it's not wrong and I'd be happy for you as long and Rhodey approves of them"

Stephen shakes his head deliberately. "I'll always want you to be my husband"

"You never know, you have a whole life ahead of you, so many stones unturned. Essentially I'm saying it's all okay"

"Okay" 

"Is that ‘okay I understand Tony’ or ‘okay I'm going to ignore you completely Tony’?" He enquires with a raised brow. 

He grins. "Stop it your dad is showing"

"Well then you stop smiling your gorgeous is showing" Stephen schools his expression into dismissive and unamused. It's foreign to him to see that now, not when he's used to the man's array of beautiful emotions, but it was what his face always looked like before they became good friends. 

When Tony pushes up to peck his lips his expression cracks back into a grin and it makes his heart soar between his ribcage. Oh how glad he is to be alive. "I'm happy for the time you've given me"

Stephens smile turns sad in the eyes and he reaches out to hold Tonys good cheek, his long fingers extending past his ear and into his hair. "I wish you'd let me give you more"

Tomy closes his eyes and shakes his head against the tremor in Stephens hand. "No, this is perfect" 

"Are you afraid? To die?" His deep voice crashes over him like a wave as he considers the question. 

"It's not really fear, it's more like panic and wishing, wishing you got to say goodbye and fearing what will be of those you love without you there" that's what he was thinking, when he was going to die before, he was thinking about Stephen and Pete and Rhodey and Pep and wishing he could say goodbye as they watched him die.

"Peter will be okay. I promise I'll take care of him"

"And you?" 

Stephen shrugs, looks away and lets his hand fall to the carpet. "I'll figure it out"

Tony catches the hand and laces their fingers. "You will. You're good at figuring"

Stephen slowly smiles, then looks back at him with a cheeky smirk. "It's all that practice figuring you" 

"I feel like you just made things weird" 

"Or exciting" 

They have sex by the fire. Tony takes charge, since Stephens far too weak for anything too strenuous. Their closeness to heat has them both damp with sweat and Stephen glows as he withers and moans into the air around them, back arching from the burgundy carpet. Tony's metal fingers leave bruises on Stephens hip and his mouth leaves bruises everywhere else. They don't rush but they don't go too slow, making it sweet and hot all at once and simply perfect. So perfect sobs threatens him as he climaxes, because it’s the last time. 

They rest afterward, but don't sleep, not when the sands of time dry. Tony draws patterns on Stephens chest and Stephen draws between his shoulder blades. 

4:30 comes and hits them like a whip. Ten minutes later they're dressed and presentable to visit Peter and May. 

"Hiya Mr Starks" Peter says from the couch, not surprised at all at the men having entered his home through a portal. He's sat the wrong way around, legs bent over the back of the couch and head hanging upside down off the seat. He has a controller in his hands and is playing some Star Wars game. Five years haven't changed him even a bit. Well, of course they haven't. 

"Hey kiddo. Where's your Aunt?"

"Her bedroom" 

Tony gestures for Stephen to sit with Peter before quietly heading for her room. Videogames definitely disconnect but in moments like this that's an advantage. 

"May?" He knocks twice on her ajar door.

"Tony is that you? Come in" He hears from the other side of the door. He does as she says, stepping into a room lit just by a bedside lamp. She's sat against her headboard with glasses perched on her nose to read a book, Count of Monte Cristo, he recognises at a glance. A spectacular story. 

"Look at that! New arm" she turns the book over, shuffles to the end of the bed and pulls him in by the wrist, the metal one, to have a look. "It's good so see you're taking your injury in stride. Nothing can stop you can it?" 

"About that…"

"Yea?" She uses the hand on his wrist to pull him into sitting next to her. She tucks one leg under her and turns to face him. 

"Well, it's time for me to stop"

She tips her head "Stop what?"

He doesn't know how else to say it, so he just says it. "Living" 

"Wow, wow. Do you need to talk?" She takes him by the shoulders and searches his eyes in a panic. He realises what she must be thinking.

"No, not like that, I'm going to die today May"

He hands slide down to his elbows, fingers hanging on the bunched fabric of his navy jumper. "Why?" 

"Because I should have died after the snap, but Stephen kept me alive. It's killing him so I have to go. My times overdue" it sounds choppy, the way he explains it, maybe because it hurts. 

Her hands fall completely, onto her own navy skirt. "Oh"

They sit together for a good few minutes. May spends most of the time staring like she's trying to absorb as much of him as she can. "Peter" she finally breathes, when it dawns on her. 

"We wanted to take him to the house, so he could be with us in my last, um, moments" he feels like he's swallowing a shoe. 

She runs a hand through her flowing hair. "This is gonna destroy him"

Tony takes hold of that hand and brings it to his lap to cover it with the other. "And he's going to build himself back up, he's strong like that. And he'll have your help, Stephens, and everybody else who loves him"

She smiles but a tear leaks from her eye. It's all so unfair and he hates it. "Yea he will"

"And don't worry about the money okay, it'll still be coming in after I'm gone. And I'm giving a lot to Peter when he reaches 18. My lawyers will talk to you about it"

She places her other hand on his shoulder and looks him in the eye with a kind expression. "I don't care about that Tony, I don't like you for your money, I like you for you" 

He smiles. He knew that really, but he also knows what it was like for them both before he was in the picture. She doesn't deserve that stress. "Thanks May" 

"Thank you. You've done so well for him Tony" 

"Well, I love him" he's only ever said that to himself, when he looked at his framed picture of Pete or went to bed wanting to rip his own heart out at how much he missed the kids smile and never ending stream of babble. Now when he says it aloud his voice breaks sharply. Love is the hardest thing to leave behind. 

"Make sure you tell him that okay?" She whispers, tears now streaming steadily. She smiles through it though, because she's strong like that, stronger than most superheroes he knows. 

He nods. "Yea" 

Peter then bursts through the door looking windblown even though his lack of footwear renders that very improbable, “Dr Strange i-” He’s interrupted by Tony blowing past him and into the living room, finding Stephen unconscious with his head hung over the back of the chair. 

Three of them gather around the pale, pale man and when Peter pulls his phone out of his pocket Tony holds his hand up; “He’s fine” Pete looks at him like he’s lost it and May stills, seeming to understand. Tony presses his metal palm to Stephens chest and mentally instructs Friday to shock him mildly. Stephen jolts and his head snaps up, he looks around lost for a moment. 

“You’re fine” Tony assures, tipping his head to look into his eyes. They're a vibrant green, too green. 

Stephen stands abruptly, smoothing down his white dress shirt. He clears his throat, “Yep. Totally fine”

“I was just asking your Aunt if we could kidnap you and feed you some waffles, or pancakes, or donuts. We have all three” Tony tells Peter, linking arms with Stephen mainly to make sure he doesn't keel over. 

“Yea sure” The kid says slowly, looking warily at Stephen, naturally, since he looks white as a ghost. Soon he’ll be better. 

“Awesome lets go” He slides his arm out of Tony’s to create a portal to the house and hooks Peter under his arm, leading him through. The gesture allows him to say his final goodbye.

“Well, this is it” He sighs, smiling at the woman before him, “truly I wish you all the best” 

Her smile breaks. “Yea yea I’ll see you around” She pulls him into a tight hug and he embraces her just as enthusiastically. There are no more chances, this is their last hug, their last words. When they part he presses a lingering kiss to her forehead, the way he did with Pepper, the way Carol did with him, and he hopes the mark will grant her luck as she lives on. 

Back in the house he finds Peter already digging into the food presented on the table. Stephens at the counter making three cups of tea. The two of them share a look. It’s almost 5. 

He doesn't bring anything up, instead enjoying his families company as they eat and laugh. He savours and enjoys his tea knowing it’ll be his last. While Stephen was gone he tried to recreate it, to taste something that’s such a part of him, but it was never the same. 

“Damn Pete” He admires all of the empty boxes on the table and wonders how Peter hasn't burst.

“Well, I am Spiderman” He says smugly, lacing his fingers behind his head. 

“Didn't know his power was inhuman face stuffing” Stephen mumbles behind his mug. It makes Tony laugh. 

“You’re both jealous”

“Definitely. Imagine a mountain of cheeseburgers not having an effect on my weight” He wants to cry just thinking about it. 

“You saved the world Mr Stark, you should treat yourself to some” On queue a burger appears in his metal hand, from Burger King no less.

“Thanks love” He addresses Stephen through a mouthful.

“So are we gonna do something this evening? Fishing? Please fishing” Peter leans forward, looking from him to Stephen pleadingly. Tony took him into the lake few days after the snap and considering they only caught three fish the kid enjoyed it far too much.

Which hurts Tony even more as he stares at Stephen, like he can make the pain of what he has to tell Peter go away. 

“No?”

“You’ll fish with him right?” He’s surprised Stephen hears him considering how quietly the question came from his lips. He nods, smiling all through. He’s doing it to assure him, in his eyes it’s clear as day he’s hurting too. 

He sighs, preparing to throw himself into it head first. He pulls up a chair next to Peter, abandons the remaining half of burger on the table, and sits, licking his lips as if it’ll make the words glide out any easier. “Peter I didn't survive the snap”

He frowns. “What? I’m talking to you right now”

“No I mean I was supposed to die, Stephen kept me alive, but as you can see he’s fallen ill. It’s time for me to go”

Tony's a little confused when he huffs a laugh. “This is a joke. Right? A prank? Let me tell you it's not funny” Tony looks to Stephen once again but he's caught up looking at Peter with devastation in his eyes. He's done well to hide his pain, but when it shows it hurts at its intensity. “You're serious?” Peters face slowly slackens as he watches them, until he scoots back in his chair so loud it stings. “No”

“I wanted you to be here. You don't have to stay when it actually happens if you don't want to, but I’d like you to” Tony explains as softly as he can. It doesn't stop all the colour draining from the kids face.

“It’s happening n-now?”

“Yea, c’mon” he takes Peters forearm and pulls him to standing. 

He's only able to take one step toward the couch before he wrenches his arm out of his grasp. “Are you insane!? You can't just- just die!”

“I wish I couldn't. I really do” he wishes it so badly. He just got them both back and now he'll lose them forever.

Peter shakes his head and his eyes look too bright. “No there must be a way”

“Not against the infinity stones” Stephen finally says, not having moved from his spot. 

Peter turns to the sorcerer with an outraged expression. “You’ve given up? Seriously? Don't you love him at all?”

That pushes exactly every one of Stephens buttons if the way his clothes puff up in an upstream gust of unseen magic is any indication. He marches up to Peter and jabs him in the chest with a finger that shakes more violently than it ever has. His jaw looks coiled. “Don't you dare speak to me like that. I lived 14 million lifetimes just to find another way. This is the best I could get” it hasn't occurred to Tony that maybe this future is one of the first Stephen saw, but he kept searching to find another way, only giving up when he couldn't handle the strain. 

Tony pushes between the two of them. “I haven't got long, can we please not waste the time arguing?”

Stephen nods, exhaling all the tension out of himself. Peter can't quite wipe the spooked expression on his face though. 

They all go to the couch, where Tony sits in the centre, Stephen on his left and Peter on the table in front of him. His silence is far afield from his usual character, rightly so, he's probably still internalizing what's about to happen. Tony would like to say he took it in stride but no, he struggled to accept this future too. 

"So Pete, are you gonna stay?"

The boy swallows thickly, then nods at his lap. 

Nobody says anything for a long moment, so Tony says the first thing he thinks of. "I feel like I should give a speech"

Stephen smiles. It's so bright but so sorrowful. "You always have been good at that" 

He clears his throat, feeling his mind form words before they come, "Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn't always roll that way. This is a celebration, because families have been united, because we got the planet back in somewhat like a normal version, if there ever was such a thing. What a world! The universe now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren't alone, let alone to this extent, I mean, I wouldn't have been surprised, but come on, the epic forces of dark and light that have come into play. And that's going to be what Peter will have to navigate through.

So this is my goodbye, a happy one, thanks to you, because I get to say it right, my death is timely. Not that death at any time isn't untimely. I knew when I got on board the time travel thing that the survivability was questionable.

Then again that's the heroes gig. Part of the journey is the end."

He's not sure when Peter started crying but he is, with his face in his hands, trembling and sobbing. 

"Peter" Tony reaches for the boy with his flesh fingers, parting his hands to see his face. He almost wishes he hadn't because it flattens his heart how destroyed Peter clearly is. "You need to know this," he takes both of Peters hands and waits for the kids full attention before continuing, "I love you" 

He blinks, sobs frozen in his throat.

"You're the perfect son I didn't ask for but couldn't live without. I thought about you every day you were gone. I hope that if- when you think about me it doesn't make you sad, I hope it gives you strength, the way the thought of you gave me the strength to save you" 

He doesn't have time to gauge Peters reaction as he flies into his lap, hugging him like he might slip away at any moment and sobbing into the crook of his neck. "I love you too Tony. Please don't leave me"

He pushes Peter an arms length away to look into his suffering eyes. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here" he taps the boys heart. Yes it's incredibly cheesy and he would have thrown up at the sight of himself 10 years ago but so much has changed. And it's the end of the line, there's no truth to withhold. 

Tony turns to Stephen, keeping his metal hand holding Peters. "Stephen. You know how much I love you" 

"A ton?" He smiles. It turns downward. 

"3000"

"You love me 3000?" 

Tony nods, smiling with all the warmth left in his broken heart. "I love you 3000" 

Stephen thinks for a moment. "I don't think I could pick a number high enough" he murmurs. 

Tony laughs, maybe for the last time, and knocks his fist into Stephens shoulder. "Don't try to one up me asshole" 

"It's my job" Stephen shrugs. His voice is starting to sound heavy with something Tony's sad he finds familiar. 

"It's also your job to take care of everything. Right?" He stares sharply, offsetting it with a gentle tuck of hair behind Stephens ear. He knows he will, he knows everything will be fine, but he's so used to working himself dry to make sure the people he loves are safe it's terrifying to hand it all over. 

"Of course, everyone is under my protection"

"No no, you have to be there for them too. Will you?" Stephen used to struggle a lot with understanding the importance of emotion, compassion, over logic. It caused an instability in the beginning, because he didn't understand Tony was an emotional man. He's grown so much, so caring now, it's only endearing that sometimes he slips.

"You know I will" he assures, taking Tony's hand. 

"I'm sorry that I brought you here, to this, you deserve to be happier" in another life, if he wasn't Tony Stark, and he wasn't Dr Strange, maybe the two of them would be living with no nightmares, no threats of death or untimely demises. But they have this one, and while Tony wouldn't exchange it for the world, he wishes.

"My years with you have been the happiest don't you worry" Stephen assures again. A tear runs down his face when he blinks, even though the rest of his composure seems resilient. That's Stephen really, strong through it all. 

"Yea, I feel the same. Thank you, for everything" without Stephen Tony would have had nothing. They met off the back of the mess of the accords when he was guilt ridden, injured and betrayed. Stephen brought the light back and he owes him everything for sticking around.

"Any time"

"When I thought I was going to die in space I made this whole speech in my head, a message I would send to you if you were alive. I don't remember it really, no oxygen isn't a great catalyst for memory, but I do remember this; when I drift off I'll think of you, it's always you" 

When Stephen nods tears are streaming down his face with conviction. When he bites his lip Tony knows it's to keep him from bursting. 

He reaches under his top and unclips his reactor, placing it in once of Stephens hands. He's spoken endlessly with Friday about the things that need to be done when he's gone. On the device he'll find a file full of hologram messages of him, mostly telling stories about things that he and Peter missed, or dreams he had, or rambling. He got lonely in the 5 years and making messages was the only way he could talk to himself and still claim he wasn't crazy. He hopes he and Stephen appreciate it. 

Of course it's a defence mechanism too, able to shock and incapacitate if it falls into wrong hands, and it has the suit in it. All Tony wants in his heart is Stephens safety and happiness, so as its his heart he holds in his shaking hand, it'll protect him. 

His next move is to take his spare hand and one of Peters, he splays Stephens hand on his chest, and Peters on top of his. "Well, it's time is it not?" 

"We haven't had enough time" Peter whispers brokenly. It never will be enough really. He wishes he had all the time in the world to watch Stephens eyes swim in all their ethereal colours or listen to Peters new projects at school.

"No we haven't, but we'll keep saying that until both Stephen and I kick the bucket and that's not happening under my watch" he presses a long kiss to the kids forehead, drawing back and wiping his tears with his prosthetic fingers. Then he looks to Stephen, and the kiss they share finally draws tears from Tony's eyes. Stephens mouth will be the last warm place, only cold lies in Tony's future, so he absorbs it all, letting it warm the very veins within him. 

It's a long time yet no time at all when they part. Stephen chases Tony's mouth but he stops him with the press of red and gold fingers to his full lips. He wants the kiss to be the last, if he gets anymore he thinks he might break in two.

"Stephen" He smiles at him and nods his head. Stephen puts the reactor in his lap and closes his hand, then jerks it aggressively. A green disk materialises around his scarred wrist and Tony looks at his chest to see he has a matching disk circling his wrist. They're identical and it makes him think of a ball and chain, Stephens keeping him anchored to the ground, but now it's time to free him and let him float up to the surface. 

"Once I break this you'll only have seconds. So is… is there anything-"

"There's nothing, there's now. I love you both" he smiles at both their wet faces. Peter nods. 

"We love you too" Stephen smiles brokenly as he lifts his wrist, then hesitates. Tony looks him in the eye and hopes he can read it. Do it. 

A sob escapes Stephen in a breath and he closes his eyes before he knocks his wrist against Tony's. The two disks shatter like glass. 

For a moment all here is quiet. But then Tony starts to feel the feeling in his legs fade away. He thought he was prepared but he starts to panic, gripping desperately to the two hands on his chest. Every breath he attempts to take gets stuck. Its suffocating.

"You did it Mr Stark. You did it" Peter says. Tony watches in a daze Peter assure him. It helps a little. He feels so weak. The scars on his face burn once again and his head heavily lulls to the side, bringing him eye to eye with Stephen. 

He can still feel his fingers, but barely, so he uses what he has left to squeeze his scarred, beautiful hand. 

"We'll be okay Tony. You can rest now" his deep voice rolls over him in a wash of calm and the last thing he feels himself do is smile.

-

After the funeral Peter and Stephen wait by the lake for fish to catch on the end of their rods. They sit on the mud, disregarding their suits, and wait for a miracle. Not that Stephen still believes in those. 

“Everywhere I go I see his face. I miss him” 

“Yea I miss him too”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry dudes. I'll write some non depressing ironstrange next time. 
> 
> Tumblr: wifeofstark


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